SA!Pocalypse

“SA!pocalyse” is a satirical blog unafraid to mock South African politics and current events, offering a witty and irreverent take on the absurdities of the nation’s landscape.

  • Nothing But Hot Air (and Asbestos): Magashule’s Tender Love Story

    So Ace Magashule — former Free State Premier, current professional court attendee, and honorary PhD in “I don’t recall” — has officially pleaded not guilty in the R255 million asbestos tender fraud case. Yes, you heard that right. R255 million. To get rid of asbestos. Which, fun fact, is still there. It’s like paying a…

  • VAT Is the New Black: How to Rob the Poor Without Wearing a Balaclava

    South Africa, land of sun, braais, and economic policies that make a municipal tender process look like a Mensa test. This week, Parliament got treated to a horror show more terrifying than load-shedding in a hospital ICU. Treasury, in its infinite wisdom — and by wisdom, I mean “something between guesswork and a dare” —…

  • South Africa’s Nuclear Tinder: Swiping Right on Russia & Iran While the AU Ghosts the DRC

    Ah, nuclear power—the ultimate “we’re totally in control” energy solution for a country that can’t keep the lights on for a full day. South Africa, never one to shy away from controversial decisions, has now announced that it’s *open to bids* from any country for its new 2,500MW nuclear expansion. That’s right, any country, including…

  • Congo Chaos: When Presidents Tweet, Mercenaries Retreat, and South Africa Plays Referee in a Bar Fight

    Imagine a chaotic action movie with a Game of Thrones-level plot twist every week, only there’s no Hollywood budget—just real people suffering, and the main characters are all pointing fingers at each other like that Spider-Man meme. At the heart of this mess is the eastern Democratic Republic of the Congo (DRC), a region so…

  • Eskom & Steinhoff: Power Cuts, Profit Scams, and the Art of Getting Away With It

    Well, well, well… Eskom’s in trouble again. In other breaking news, water is wet, the ANC is shocked by corruption, and someone, somewhere, is trying to resuscitate Jacob Zuma’s political career. Yes, folks, our beloved power utility—once a shining example of how to turn abundant coal into perpetual darkness—is facing yet another scathing report. This…

  • Ramaphosa’s Land Reform vs. Jooste’s Heist: Who Looted It Better?

    Cyril Ramaphosa, South Africa’s most patient politician, finally signed the Expropriation Bill into law. It’s been two decades in the making, with every inch of it debated, watered down, and debated again, because nothing says “urgent” quite like a 20-year wait. But the apartheid-era Expropriation Act of 1975 has officially been tossed onto the scrap…

  • From Power Cuts to Parched Throats: Unions Unite to Perfect the Art of Doing Nothing

    Ah, the unions of South Africa. Once the valiant knights in shining armor for workers, now stumbling around like extras in a bad soapie. This week, at the National Economic and Labour Council’s (Nedlac’s) annual labor school, the leadership of Fedusa, Cosatu, and Saftu gathered in Pretoria to collectively admit what the rest of us…

  • Stilfontein Mine: Fear, Fury, and Hypocrisy on Full Display

    ANC cracks down on “criminality” while harboring its own rogues’ gallery The great Stilfontein tragedy has unfolded into a grim spectacle—where the government’s unspoken motto seems to be “do as we say, not as we do.” After months of what can only be described as a siege with a body count, authorities have finally concluded…

  • The Art of Digging South Africa’s Holes

    Ah, South Africa, where the earth is as rich with minerals as the government is with excuses. Two interesting stories caught my eye—one from an abandoned mine shaft in Stilfontein, and the other from the murky waters of political reinvention. Together, they remind us that whether you’re digging for gold or political power, it’s always…

  • South Africa’s Chaotic Waltz with Progress

    Ah, South Africa, where the sun shines bright, the braais sizzle, and the rand occasionally drops faster than an EFF press release full of grammatical errors. But hold on to your candles, folks, because 2024 brought us an electrifying plot twist: no load-shedding for months! That’s right—Eskom kept the lights on, and apparently, the rand…