Greetings and a slightly skeptical welcome to the bewildering spectacle that is 2024 – a year that seems to be asking, “Happy new year or is it?”. As South Africa continues its chaotic tango with corruption, madness, and absurdity, consider this your front-row seat to the theater of the absurd. In today’s episode, we’ll unravel South Africa’s bold attempt to play David against the towering Goliath banks, the seemingly hemorrhaging Transnet, and brace yourselves for the impending surge in medicine prices. Buckle up, folks, because the ride only gets more surreal from here.
The Competition Commission aimed for the stars accusing 28 banks of orchestrating a grand conspiracy of Rand manipulation. Now, the Competition Appeal Court wasn’t having any of it. They threw out most of the case, leaving the Competition Commission with just five banks to prosecute. It’s like planning a massive heist and ending up getting caught shoplifting a candy bar.
The appeal court found the commission’s case as solid as a house of cards in a windstorm. Some of the charged banks were just holding companies that don’t even trade – dismissed. Some were foreign banks with no clear link to the alleged conspiracy – dismissed. And, my personal favorite, some were randomly added just because the court told the commission to “reconfigure” its case – dismissed too.
It’s like they were throwing darts at a board to pick which banks to accuse. “Eeny, meeny, miny, moe, catch a banker by the toe.”
Now, the case has not only raised concerns about the commission’s competence but also sparked some delightful political drama. Minister Khumbudzo Ntshavheni claimed that the banks were trying to collapse the currency and damage the economy. Because, clearly, bankers have nothing better to do than play economic Jenga with our national currency.
In reality, the rand is more like a teenager trying to sneak out – unpredictable and often misunderstood. And with a recent survey showing that global trading in the rand is about 1% of total global forex trade, trying to blame these bankers for crashing our economy is like blaming a mosquito for climate change.
Oliver: Shoplifting, not macroeconomics, as one economist put it. And let’s be clear, shoplifting is illegal, but it won’t bring down an entire economy.
“The court rules in favor of the banks – shoplifting charges only. Case closed.”
Now, let’s shift gears to finance minister Enoch Godongwana, the man keeping a closer eye on Transnet’s cash flow than my grandma does on her bingo winnings. Godongwana, the financial fortune teller, says he can’t decide if Transnet needs more cash injections.
Seriously, it’s like asking if a leaky boat needs more duct tape. Transnet reported losses, and the minister’s solution seems to be squinting at their financial statements and pretending everything is fine.
But fear not, because our ministers are jetting off to Davos, the land of rich people discussing how to make more money. Godongwana, Trade Minister Patel, and a team of others are off to “rebuild trust.” It’s like sending arsonists to a firefighting convention and expecting them to bring back marshmallows.
Meanwhile, the Johannesburg Stock Exchange is shedding more listings than a cat sheds fur in summer. Leila Fourie, JSE CEO, claims this is a global phenomenon. Well, if the world’s on fire, let’s just call it a global barbecue!
The health department, armed with a calculator and a crystal ball, has granted pharmaceutical manufacturers a generous 6.79% price hike for private sector medicine. Oh, isn’t that sweet? It’s like giving a gold star to the kid who only set fire to half the classroom.
This increase is higher than inflation, a concept apparently so foreign in South Africa that it’s like trying to explain astrophysics to a cat. The South African Reserve Bank put inflation at 5.8%, but why stop there when you can go above and beyond, right?
Now, the health minister usually announces this yearly medicine price adjustment after consulting the medicine pricing committee, a group so secretive they make the Illuminati look like a neighborhood watch meeting.
Last year’s adjustment was so low, it triggered intense pushback from the pharmaceutical industry. They were probably expecting a pat on the back for their efforts, but instead, they got a participation trophy made of disappointment.
But fear not, the Pharmaceutical Task Group (PTG) chair, Stavros Nicolaou, called this year’s adjustment a “significant improvement.” Yes, because when you’re on a sinking ship, any improvement feels significant.
Now, the PTG anticipated an increase of 8% to 9%, based on a formula that probably involves throwing a dart at a board covered in numbers. It’s like they’re playing pharmaceutical darts, and the consumers are the bullseye.
The Board of Healthcare Funders is concerned about the unusually high inflation increase. It’s almost like they expected a sensible decision in a system that, let’s be honest, is about as stable as a unicycle on a tightrope.
And Discovery Health, always the optimist, says they have protective mechanisms in place. It’s like putting a Band-Aid on a gunshot wound. “Sure, the patient might bleed out, but look at this snazzy Band-Aid!”
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